The story
Steven was the kind of man that had BIG dreams and a kind heart. He loved his kids and was a great father. He was spirited and energetic. He was helpful and patient and even when he didn't have much for himself he was always willing to offer up what he did have to help others. He had this energy that pulled people to him like a magnet. He was strong and fearless.. He was honest even when he knew it would be to his detriment. He was a hard worker and always did what needed to be done. He was someone you could count on, he was my soulmate, and I will miss him for the rest of my life.
Memory wall
28 tributes have been left in memory of Steven Downey Jr..
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This moment is one that will always stick with me. We had just left that shithole on Happy and moved into the place on Sycamore. We were both clean and Conehead had stopped by. We were outside and you were telling him how happy you were because " this fucking fat bitch... im falling in-love with her all over again" Then you grabbed me said " look at you no make up all natural and shit" and then you kissed me. I wish we had more moments like this to look back on. You never really realize how much time is wasted until its to late. I miss you babe every second of everyday... Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxo
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Steven, So today is Easter and just another holiday we are spending without you. I was reading some of our old letters we used to write to each other last night and it seems like a lifetime ago that we were so inlove. Remember how much we loved being together? There wasnt anything or anyone that keep me away from you. I remember one time when my mom dropped me off with you in Northtown like always we went straight to your room. Your mom opened your door to tell you something and instead looked at me and was like "Geeze she hasnt even been here 5 minutes and her clothes are already half way off!!!" LOL My dress was to tight, but what she said wasnt a lie... I will always treasure those memories. The ones that are only mine and yours. The feelings that only you and I will ever know. In one of your letters you said "From the first time I saw you, I knew I wanted to be with you forever". You couldnt explain it, but you said I made you feel like you belonged. It gives me hope. Hope that in the next life we will find each other again and have another chance to get it right. Because you did belong Steven. You are my Best Friend, my soulmate, you are my family. And im sorry we let the fire burn so low that you couldnt see that anymore. You will always have my whole heart Steven Downey, my favorite everything... Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxox
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It was hard for me to get up today. My heart hurts more than usual. I was reading more of our letters last night. I came across the one where you were reminding me of the time my mom wouldnt let you in the house so we spent all day in your monte carlo in the driveway. And you were telling me how you loved it when I brought some of my toys out so we didnt get bored. You said you loved how beautiful and simple I looked when I used my imagination to entertain us. Im realizing now how many things I took for granted when you were alive, and how all of those things that made me who I was died with you that day. Things like my imagination, and my childlike simplicity, my compassion and empathy, but most of all my hope for the future. All of it is gone and Im so lost. I try to hide it and I tell myself that you never liked it when I was unhappy and you wouldnt want me to be this way because of you. But its so hard to fight. I will be sitting there lost in my own misery over all of this while the girls are asking me to play with them. I find myself yelling at them and being a cunt for reasons that arent obvious to them. I just want you to be here Steven, I want to be able to touch you and hear your voice. I want to pull into the driveway and honk my horn and see your dumb looking face come out the front door! I want you back and it makes me sooooooo angry that you will never be by my side again. I love you my favorite everything. Love me always xoxoxoxoxox
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A candle was lit in memory.
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Jade was really missing you tonight. I still dont really know how to comfort her seeing as she saw almost everything I saw that day. If I cant make it better for me how do I make it better for her? Well she wrote you a letter and this is what it says... " Dear daddy, i cant even explain how much I miss you. I cry everyday and just remember I am thinking of you everyday. And nothing can describe how much I love and miss you.. Christy, mommy, and me are trying to stay strong. Especially mommy, she has to take care of us and pay rent and alot of other things. Love you, love Jade "
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Hey babe, i just wanted to tell you real quick that the girls were riding the go kart the other day and when we got back to the office jade goes " ummmmm christy you got a bean on your butt" as shes peelings Hershey wrapper off Christy's ass. A WHOLE Hershey bar melted to the butt of her shorts. Christy goes " shut up jade it's an ALMOND!" bahahahahaha... I wish u could have been there to laugh with me. I love you forever Steven. Love me always xoxoxoxo
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hey babe, So jade was scrolling thru tik tok the other day, and she showed me a sparkling crystal rose. She told me that the last time she saw you you had showed her one online and told her that you knew I would really like something like that. That you were saving up money to get me one, and that you had already saved like 2 dollars towards it... It broke my heart, and I just wanted to say again that im sorry... Im sorry for turning bitter and im sorry for letting drugs cloud my vision and take me away from the Once in a lifetime love I had with you. I will always regret the way I treated you in those months before you left. I dont know what got into me, but I hope you know that the last person you knew me as when you were alive, is not the person I really was deep down. I hope you know that I love you with all my heart, and i never was and I never will be ashamed of the man you were. Im sorry from the bottom of my heart Steven. I love you and miss you every second of every day.... Love me always, xoxoxoxoxoxox
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Saturday July 3, 2004... We went to the movies with everyone and lucky me, after everyone piled inside Richies little Kia the only place for me to sit was on your lap. We saw dodgeball and I almost threw up when you grabbed my hand I was so nervous. And on the way back to pahrump we had our first kiss. I remember the feeling of the butterflies in my stomach and the burning sensation on my skin as you kissed me. What I wouldn't give to go back to that day and just live there forever. I miss you best friend, you are ALWAYS gonna be the love of my life. I miss you more than words can explain. I think about you every second of everyday and my heart aches with every memory that floods my thoughts. I love you Steven Downey, for the rest of this life and my soul will search for you until I'm back in your arms. Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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Remember way back before we had the girls, in that apartment on Dillon, I was sitting on the bed listening Rascal Flatts looking out the window and you were standing in the doorway just staring at me. Then you came over and layed down and put your hands on my face and said " I dont know why but this music makes me love you even more" ...
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Hey Dum Dum, I just wanted to take a minute to tell you I love you and im thinking about you. I miss you more than anyone has ever missed anyone on the face of this earth. lol I wish I could finish my day at work knowing that you were gonna be at home waiting for me and the girls. I love you Steven. Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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I miss you Steven Downey. Its hard to get up in the morning knowing that I wont see your face or hear your voice. The day I lost you will always be the worst day of my life. I would give anything for the chance to redo that day. There are so many things I would do differently. I hope one day you can forgive me for what Ive done. I love you. Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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Hey Babe, Last night when I went to my moms to pick up the girls, she told me that they were at Erins. So I watched our show on the OWN channel and by the time it was over it was about 12:30am. I went to Erins to get them and Christy started whining that they wanted to stay. The feeling of uneasiness started to set in at the thought of going home alone. And I started to get upset. I told her NO a couple of times before I started to tear up and then just said fuck it love you goodnight... As I backed out of the driveway I could see Jade still standing there watching me speed away. I thought about stopping but I didnt. I know its childish of me to act this way, but I hate being alone at night and I cant seem to put my big girl panties on and get over it. When I got home, there was a couple of texts from Jade ( I knew there would be ). She said " Mommy, the only reason I wanted to stay was because Christy was staying. I know why you were crying, and I love you more than anybody in the world. How close are you to the house? Call me when you wake up love you bye." I broke down and started bawling. I hate that things are this way and that they have to worry about me and they cant just be kids. I hate that I cant be alone when the sun goes down anymore. I tell myself that the uneasy feeling is your spirit following so close that I can feel you. And I would rather have you close and be uneasy than not feel anything at all. Its just hard because I cant see you. You will ALWAYS have a place with me Steven... ALWAYS. So please dont ever think that it would be easier on everyone if you just backed off. I want you to stay. I love you and our girls love you, we all miss you so much it hurts our hearts everyday. Im never gonna get over this Steven. I heard a song the other day that said if I loved you like I miss you, If my world revolved around you like it does right now without you, you wouldnt be gone. It perfectly explains the situation. And again all I can say is im sorry. I will miss you for the rest of my life Steven Downey. Love me always xoxoxoxoxox
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Hey you, I keep making all these handwritten notes of things I want to tell you. I've got little pieces of paper in my bra, in my pockets, in my backpack, in my truck... lol they are everywhere! I just dont want you to miss out on anything. Well first up is the girls... we were riding home the other night and they were asking what Reincarnation meant, and I told them some people believe that when you die, your soul leaves your body and you start your next life. Jade wanted to know if I believed that and I told her Yes, I had no choice but to believe it now. She wanted to know why and I said because how else am i gonna get to be with daddy again.? Then jade wanted to know what you do up there in heaven. Did you just float around all day or did God make you do chores. And christy said " Jade, God makes them work... they have to build their house and stuff." Lol so Jade wants you to be careful while you're working. The other thing I wanted to tell you about is Andrew... it REALLY sucks you cant be here to witness some of the shit this mother fucker comes up with!!! He wanted to get into the shower with lex and she wouldn't let him so he beats on the door and says "OPEN THE SHOWER DOOR BITCH!!" lmao, then erin caught him pissing out the bedroom window, and then today there was a commercial on TV, it was showing a picture of an eyedropper bottle and it was called Laticia and I said WTF is Laticia and Andrew says "LATICIAS A BITCH!!" He is really something else. And he talks about you once in awhile. He wanted to fly kites high enough for you to see them. And every time he comes to my house he gets a stick and tries to knock your ashes off the fireplace! Lol he misses you just like we do. I'm starting to cry again so I'm gonna say goodnight. I love you every second of every day Steven Downey. P.S Dont forget the wrap around porch on the house, so we can sit and watch over the girls when I get there. OH and grass, dont forget the grass. Until then, I miss you babe. You're still my favorite everything. Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxo
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A candle was lit in memory.
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LMAO... I just wanted to show you this. It makes me laugh even on my hardest days. Jade was hobbling around on those crutches and as she got to christys room christy yelled "AAAAAAAHHHH" and this is the face Jade made!! Its things like this that I need to share with you. Who else is ever gonna care about stupid little moments like this that mean so much to me besides you? We miss you Steven. Getting thru the rest of this life without you is gonna be the hardest thing I have ever done. But I will get through it and hopefully one day I will have wings just like you. Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxox
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The first time we had seen each other in a year. I remember how nervous I was on the way to see you. I felt like I was gonna puke the whole ride. But as soon as you opened the door and grabbed me up in your arms it was like no time had past at all. I remember you brought me a plate of Koles food and only one fork! ( you had to have known that wasnt an option) when you reached for the fork I pulled away and told you to get your own, all the while stuffing my face... I can still see your face clear as day in my mind when you looked at me, smiled and said "shit like that is why I love you" I miss you so much Steven Downey. Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxox
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I miss you with everything I am and ever will be Steven Downey. No one will ever take your place in my heart for as long as im alive and breathing. Love me always xoxoxoxoxo
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Hey you, I just wanted to tell you a few things so I can check em off my "list of things to tell Steven". So im not sure if I told you but Christy recently went thru a phase where she decided not to cuss or yell at me because she said it took her further away from God and being let into Heaven on Judgement Day. It didnt last long...lol she decided that rather than putting so much effort into being good and doing what others wanted her to do, it would simply be easier to do what she wanted because "you cant let the Devil know you're afraid of him." Oh god I laughed so hard when I heard that because it is soooooo Christy to say something like that. She has your spirit and your never back down type of attitude. I know you would have been so proud to hear her say it. The next thing I wanted to tell you about was the other night I was dying the girls hair purple and while I was rinsing out Christys in the sink she kept complaining about how the water was running down her forehead and I told her to stop whining and stay still. And when she wrapped the towel around her head I started to clean out the sink and she goes "MOOOMMMMAAA" the tone of her voice instantly irritated me and when I turned around to yell at her I busted up laughing... She had the brightest purple blob covering her forehead!!! LMAO she goes " r u stupid or are you stupid?!" Bahahahahahahahahahaha It was hilarious. I miss you the most when things like this happen because no matter what was going on between me and you when it came to the girls we were always on the same page. I dont have you to share these moments with anymore and it breaks my heart. The next thing I wanted to tell you was about how Christy was telling me that tomorrow she wanted me to take her to walmart to get some brown hair dye to cover the purple up and then she wanted me to buy her hair extensions. And I knew she wasnt asking she was TELLING me what was going to happen so I didnt even bother arguing with her I just patted her on the leg and said " ok we will do it tomorrow" and she smacks my hand away and says " dont pat me like were gonna do it!!!" hahahahahahaha it was too funny. And the last thing I wanted to tell you about was how I picked the size of your second village. I couldnt decide if I wanted to keep it the same size as what I already have or go smaller, but I was scrolling through google looking for little buildings for it and I came across this SEX SHOP in small scale. I searched for hours for something that was even in the same category as it but came up with nothing so small scale it is lol. When it got delivered to the office my mom was there and she opened it. She said as soon as she saw the word SEX she immediately closed the box and said "thats gotta be Ambers!" LMAO I knew you would love it. Im the only one who understands that I couldnt build you your own village without putting a sex store in it... hahahahahaha I miss you so much Steven. Your still my favorite everything and I will miss you for the rest of my life. Love me always, xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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Hey you, it's a supermoon tonight. Just one of the many things that make me think of you. And as I was driving home from work I started thinking about what I was telling you a few days ago, about that panicky feeling I used to get when i would see you because i felt like i was losing you....and it occurred to me that all those times you tried to talk to me in the months before you left, that you could have been feeling that same panic. And my heart is breaking all over again. I hated that feeling more than anything in the world. It made me feel alone and scared like I didnt have a purpose or a future. Steven I would NEVER intentionally put that kinda misery on you. I'm soooooooo sorry for not taking the time to try and understand where you were coming from and how I was making you feel. You didnt deserve any of the shit that I threw at you. I was selfish and angry and mean... I'm sorry Steven, I'm sorry for all of it. And I hope that despite the outcome of the storm you can forgive me. I never meant for any of this to happen and I want you to know that I love you with my whole heart and you belonged with me and the girls. Our family isnt complete without you. I'm sorry Steven, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry... u are my favorite everything and when my heart stops beating and my time on earth is done I SWEAR I will make it up to you in our next life. I love you and I miss you so much it hurts. I'm sorry Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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4/14/2020 Hey you, So Crusty was asking me how you become an organ donor and if you were one. I told her yes you were and that they ask you that when you get your drivers license. And she says " Well what if I dont have any organs to DON?" With a really serious look on her face... I started laughing so hard!! That is so something a kid of yours would say. LOL I hate that you cant be apart of this life with us anymore. But I promise to keep you updated on all things "US" for as long as I am here and you are there. The girls miss you like crazy and still cant understand how there was a force in this world that was stronger than their Daddy. We miss you everyday babe. And you are always our favorite everything. Love me always xoxoxoxoxoxo
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